When You Feel All Alone

You have no one to talk to. Even when you are in a room full of people, you can’t seem to fit in. You are isolated. You are invisible. There is no one you can trust anymore; everyone you know is unreliable. You have so much you want to share; so much you want to say. But, you know deep down that no one will understand.

Everything that was once good in your life is now bad. Your relationships are broken. All the people you depended on have turned their back on you. No one wants to support your goals. They all think you are a fool. They sneer at you; waiting for you to fail so that they can gloat that they had warned you but you didn’t listen. You keep trying to prove yourself but, no matter what you do, it’s always one step forward and two steps back. You have failed at everything but there is no one to pick you up except yourself. But how can you raise your spirits when you no longer believe in yourself?

Alone

It’s a hard truth to take; but let’s face it: You are all alone!

The Pain of Feeling All Alone

There is a saying (I’m paraphrasing) that says, “We can’t live alone because we are all connected by invisible threads”. Akin to the overused “No man is an island” quote, this saying goes to show that we are not meant to exist in solitude. Humans are social creatures. We crave interaction with others. That’s how some people get lonely. You find yourself in a room full of people who you don’t have a connection with and, therefore, you feel isolated. You might even feel sorry for yourself and start thinking that there is something wrong with you.

Being lonely, though, is different from feeling alone. That feeling of being alone goes a little bit deeper into the core of our being. When your emotional standing and your mind are overwhelmed by sadness and hopelessness, then depression is at your door.

Loneliness can be cured by establishing a worthwhile connection with someone. Feeling alone incorporates loneliness, sadness, hopelessness, anger directed at yourself and at the world, and the pain of failure. What is it about you that makes you so unlovable? Why won’t people listen to you? Why doesn’t anyone understand you? Does anyone even care about you?

Enemy at the Gate

There is a reason why people go mad when they are cut off from the world. Anyone who has been shipwrecked or survived a plane crash in some jungle somewhere has started experiencing hallucinations as they desperately call out for a much-needed companion. Even children are known to exhibit this desire for connection by having ‘imaginary friends’. Having ‘a friend’ they can trust serves as a coping mechanism to what life brings their way.

For adults, it is important to have someone you can share ideas with; someone who you can turn to when you are stressed or going through trying situations in your life; or someone to just share a laugh with. It is a social phenomenon that psychologists continue studying. Even in the Christian Bible, there is the instance whereby Adam in the Creation Story found himself feeling lonely and God provided a companion for him. We all need someone.

That is not to say we are not self-sufficient. That’s also not to say that we can’t deliberately isolate ourselves for the purpose of meditation or rebooting our systems. Feeling all alone is a desperate situation for anyone to go through.

What to do When You Feel All Alone

Unfortunately, there isn’t a ‘one-size fits all’ solution. Humans are complex creatures having different experiences in the world. Nevertheless, you bear the great responsibility of getting out of the rut. You need to analyze your choices, your circumstances and your thoughts to determine where you have gone wrong. You need to see everything with new eyes.

  1. Fight Depression

If you are lucky to spot the symptoms of sinking into depression, it is important to get yourself out of it before it takes hold over your life. Depression is a different beast to deal with and it has feeling alone as one of its symptoms. You can read some articles about depression here and here.

  1. Do away with toxic relationships

If you don’t feel you can trust the people in your life, go ahead and make new friends and connections. We make the mistake of holding on to people and relationships that do more harm than good. Why would you want to keep around someone who makes you feel insignificant? Why would you let someone break you down everyday telling you how worthless you are?

  1. Seek out positive people

Realize how valuable you are and seek out people who see your value and encourage you to be better. If someone really loves and cares about you, they will do everything to be in your life and to contribute positively to it.

  1. Communicate your feelings and move on

This is difficult to do. One of the reasons you feel alone is because you think no one ever listens to you. Give people a chance and find a way to get them to sit down and hear you out without commenting. Share your feelings to them and how their actions have affected you. The people who care about you will acknowledge their mistakes. Some might even be shocked that this is how you’ve been feeling and they didn’t know they were hurting you. Take note of those who dismiss what you have shared with them and cull them from your life. You don’t need them.

  1. Have a plan and purpose for your life

Many of the mental, emotional and physical problems we encounter in our lives can all be tied back to our life plans and life purpose. You are where you are because of the choices you have made and the circumstances that surround your life. Once you take responsibility for where you are in life, you can plan out what you need to do to improve your life. Having a purpose will guide that plan and it will serve as a plane of reference every time you start feeling lost.

In life, there will always be moments when circumstances batter you and you find yourself fighting fire on your own. Years of experience teach us that only true friends will stick around when your world is in turmoil. These are the people you need to find and have in your life.

I have always said this and I ask you yet again to be there for others. Everyone is going through a battle in life and it takes just a moment of your time to change their lives. Today, decide to be there for someone. You might think you have nothing to offer because you are also going through some things in your life. But what you give in life always comes back to you tenfold. Share the love and be there for someone and tomorrow you will not need to look far for a friend.

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Suicide via Skype. That’s not the Shocking Part!

In life, you will never know the depths people are able to sink to. It truly beggars belief the kind of vile things human beings do to each other. Then I saw this story of a 26-year old man from Russia called Sergey Kirilov, who announced that he was planning on killing himself. As if that wasn’t shocking enough, he told people to link to his Skype account and watch him go through with it.

photo: DailyMail

photo: DailyMail

Now, at this point, you already have some expectations in your mind. Someone will step up and ask him whether he is okay, and another will offer an ear to listen to whatever problem this young man has and do their best to help him solve it. Perhaps, someone will be concerned enough to call the police and express their concerns that this young man doesn’t sound like he is joking no matter how casually he announced his impending suicide. It’s no secret that people are considering suicide for a variety of reasons. It could be stress, depression, or chronic mental health issues. The list is long. The opportunity was there for someone to make a telling contribution on another man’s life by saving him. No one did (one tried).

Admittedly, there is the social psychological issue called the Bystander Effect. It is a concept proposed by John Darley and Bibb Latané, and it states that people are less likely to assist you when they expect/assume someone else in the vicinity will volunteer to assist you. Yet, in the case of Sergey Kirilov’s suicide, that concept couldn’t be further from the truth.

In a vile, revolting, apathetic manner, the ‘people’ who had linked to Kirilov’s Skype account cheered him on as he took his life. I read that part and I was heartbroken. I took a long pause. I could not believe what I had read. But it is there, as clear as day. People celebrated the suicide. In some excerpts from the article, it says there were “dozens of spectators” and one of them said, “Come on, are you ready yet? Go on – do it” while another added that, “If a man says he’s going to do something, he needs to do it”. We exist with people like this in our world. I honestly don’t want to believe it. It is a great shame.

A spokesman (the article doesn’t mention who he speaks on behalf of, but I’m assuming it’s the Police or State Prosecution) called Leonti Zubarev, said that the people who encouraged the suicide could be charged with “negligent homicide”. The definition is explained here. I’m not sure that is enough. Those spectators broke the moral and ethical code of humanity. What is the punishment for their evil? Would you trust these people to be in your life?

In all this commotion and investigations, one thing stood out for me. Nobody asked what the young man’s reasons were for committing suicide. No one queried the mental health of a person who not only boldly announced his death, but also followed through with it in the presence of an eager audience. I have not seen any other articles following up on this story. Perhaps I haven’t looked well enough. There have been no further statements concerning this suicide. Perhaps it’s my fault I have not seen them. What’s striking for me then, is that this is a non-story! Not many people care. What’s done is done.

This is our truth, this is our reality. There are those who claim that this suicide was only possible because of the advancements of the internet. I DO NOT agree at all. Yes, let’s blame the internet for the actions of human beings. While it played its role in facilitating the viewing of such vile actions, no one should excuse the actors in this shocking story. This issue can only lead to calls for invasion of privacy through monitoring our actions on the internet. But that’s a different issue.

So what are we to do then? I guess we can just try to change how people view issues dealing with mental health and suicide. As for those spectators, I’m truly saddened by their actions. No man should ever wish ill on another.

Let’s help each other and heal our world.

Interesting Quotes on Mental Health

As one of you pointed out recently when I posted the quotes on life and suicide, I did not mention mental health and highlight its importance. Many people are suffering silently in our world. The major stresses such as work, relationships, and access to basic needs, have pushed many into depression. But there is a more sinister threat, though, one that is rarely mentioned when people turn to suicide to alleviate their suffering: Mental health.

freerangestock.com

freerangestock.com

Here are some quotes on mental health:

Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.

World Health Organization

Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all.”

Bill Clinton

The problem with the stigma around mental health is really about the stories that we tell ourselves as a society. What is normal? That’s just a story that we tell ourselves.

Matthew Quick

Mental health needs a great deal of attention. It’s the final taboo and it needs to be faced and dealt with.

Adam Ant

Self-esteem is as important to our well-being as legs are to a table. It is essential for physical and mental health and for happiness.

Louise Hart

If you look at suicides, most of them are connected to depression. And the mental health system just fails them. It’s so sad. We know what to do. We just don’t do it.

Rosalynn Carter

We take our kids for physical vaccinations, dental exams, eye checkups. When do we think to take our – our son or daughter for a mental health check-up?

Gordon Smith

Mental health is often missing from public health debates even though it’s critical to wellbeing.

Diane Abbott

I was one of those people who put too much emphasis on work and career and material possessions, and it took its toll on all my relationships, on my physical health, my emotional and mental health.

Tony Shalhoub

There are so many clichés associated with mental health – such as the ‘fine line between lunacy and genius’ – which are, on the whole, a load of rubbish.

Jo Brand

“About a third of my cases are suffering from no clinically definable neurosis, but from the senselessness and emptiness of their lives. This can be defined as the general neurosis of our times.”
C.G. Jung

Here is an unlikely one from Shakespeare’s book:

“Macbeth: How does your patient, doctor?

Doctor: Not so sick, my lord, as she is troubled with thick-coming fancies that keep her from rest.
Macbeth: Cure her of that! Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased, pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow, raze out the written troubles of the brain, and with some sweet oblivious antidote cleanse the stuffed bosom of that perilous stuff which weighs upon her heart.
Doctor: Therein the patient must minister to himself.”
William Shakespeare, Macbeth

“What does your anxiety do? It does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but it empties today of its strength. It does not make you escape the evil; it makes you unfit to cope with it if it comes.”

Raymond Cramer

I have long recognized a link between fitness and mental health and I think we need to encourage young people to take part in sports and team activities because we know it has such positive results.

Tipper Gore

The last two quotes give a call to action and highlight what role we can play (very important):

“It’s up to you today to start making healthy choices. Not choices that are just healthy for your body, but healthy for your mind.”

Steve Maraboli

I’m convinced that we can shape a different future for this country as it relates to mental health and as it relates to suicide.

David Satcher

Feel free to add any quote on mental health that has touched you in some way. And please don’t shy away from asking someone close to you whether they are okay and if there is anything you can do to help. Sometimes people feel like nobody cares and they have no one to share their problems with. Be that person. A few minutes may help someone get the help they need. It may be a word of encouragement that changes their lives for the better. Or they may really need to go to the hospital to see a specialist. Trust me, getting all the money in the world will not feel as rewarding as saving someone’s life.

You are all welcome to comment on and share this post.

Sources

https://www.brainyquote.com

https://www.goodreads.com

http://www.quotegarden.com/

http://www.searchquotes.com/

http://www.changingthepresent.org/mental_health/quotes

Suicide: When is it the Right Moment to Die?

Whenever someone dies, we often hear people say, “He’s gone too soon” or “She died unexpectedly”.  With so many people considering suicide, is there a particular time when it would be considered the ‘right moment’ to die?

Websites such as www.death-clock.org and www.deathclock.com use a variety of factors such as lifestyle, weight (BMI), age and gender, date of birth, alcohol consumption, and smoking habits, to make a prediction on an individual’s life expectancy. According to these websites, I’m expected to die about 36 years from now. Is this even possible? Can we make predictions on the fate of our lives? Do we have control over the exact moment when we die? Can we even trust ourselves to know the right moment to die?

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People from the ancient past used to try out a variety of options in their quest for immortality. Some of them dedicated their entire lives to search for the elusive ‘elixir of life’. On the other hand, some people believe that immortality is a concept that focuses more on spiritual living as opposed to extending the life of the physical body. In our time, though, no one expects to live forever. Yet, no one expects to die either. It always comes as a surprise even when people die after living long and fulfilled lives, well beyond the life expectancy rate.

So when is the right moment to die? Those people going through various struggles in their lives would say that committing suicide would solve all their problems. For them, that is the right moment to die. That is their justification. Those suffering debilitating illnesses can choose to die instead of living in pain. In their minds, they would believe it is the right thing to do.

But perhaps we are looking at this the wrong way. Maybe it’s not about choosing the right moment to die. Possibly, it’s about being ready for the moment death comes calling. When patients are informed by their doctors that they have a few months to live, they set out to get their affairs in order, in readiness for that expected day. Though the dying patients are sad to leave their loved ones behind, their moment of death is expected. It is a moment that is not accepted but will occur nonetheless. It is this insight that we should focus on.

In a pivotal scene in the movie “The Last Samurai”, actor Tom Cruise was asked by the Emperor to describe how the Samurai leader had died. He took a pause, and then responded by saying, “I will tell you how he lived”. That’s what is important: Living.

Ask anyone how the great heroes of the past like Einstein or Galileo died and most people won’t have the answer. Ask them how these heroes lived, though, and their achievements will be listed with a degree of excitement. Death is an uncomfortable topic, filled with memories of those we have lost and the anxiety of our expected end. We must all face that day eventually.

Chief Tecumseh once said, “Live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home”.

Perhaps it’s not the right moment to die that is important. Rather, it is right way we live that counts.

11 Million People Seriously Considering Suicide

In 2009, 8 million Americans wanted to take their own lives. Fast forward to 2014 and that figure is now over 11 million people. Why do so many people want to die?

Statistics should always be taken with a caveat. Nevertheless, a report from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in 2012 showed that one out of every six students in high school thought about suicide. These kids are supposed to be the future of the nation and the world, yet they have already given up on life.

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It is easy to write off teen statistics in suicide as being linked to their young years and inexperience. However, this goes to show that young people are suffering in silence, with parents and leaders failing to spot the signs of a struggling child. For those kids, there doesn’t appear to be anyone who can give them direction and encouragement. Perhaps we can do more.

Of great concern is the fact that, this year, over 150,000 young people have been treated in hospital for self-inflicted injuries. Were they planning to take it further and commit suicide? Was this self-harming meant to create a painful physical wound to distract from the pain felt inside?

Young people are suffering physically and mentally. The internet brings with it a new set of global bullies that can overwhelm a young mind. The parents, teachers and leaders in society need to provide guidance and encouragement to the young people that life is worth fighting for. But wait, older people are committing suicide too!

While the youth are facing bullies, falling grades, and increasing unemployment, older people are faced with the realities of bankruptcy, recession, mortgages, mental health illnesses, marital woes, and social and networking pressures. The recent suicide by actor and comedian, Robin Williams, highlights the pressures that even successful people may be facing in silence. And according to a report in the British Journal of Psychiatry, the rate of suicides rose by 10,000 during the recession.

These are just some of the problems that older people are going through. Are we getting weaker in spirit? Where is the resilience that unites us in dark times? Where are the people who lend a helping hand even when it’s not been asked of them? Or is it that we have isolated a select few, who, feeling abandoned, have tried to face their battles on their own and failed, thus resorting to suicide?

Whatever the answers to those questions may be, it is clear that we have a bigger problem than we care to admit. With the increasing threat of wars and economic constraints, the increasing toll on relationships and life in general can lead to a greater desire for people considering suicide to make it a reality. When entertainment no longer provides an escape for the tortured mind, suicide will become an enticing possibility.

Life can be hard at times. At other times, life can be extremely difficult. Within those moments of pain and hardships lies a greater meaning and lesson that we must try to learn or impart on young people. Those who have overcome their thoughts of taking their lives feel stronger for what they went through. We can overcome. We just need to change our mindset. As Phil Donahue once said, “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”.

Let us stand with one another and try to overcome our problems.