No Matter What Happens, Never Give Up!

You are going to go through a lot of pain in this world; that is guaranteed. There will be sickness, heartbreak, loss and failure. These things will make you feel weak and insignificant. In other moments, you will find yourself feeling alone and judged. In others, you will be indifferent to what is going on around you. Worse still, there will be moments when you will believe that the world would be a better place if you were dead.

face the battle

No one signed up for this. You were put here for a reason. It is up to everyone to find their own purpose in life. Finding one’s purpose can also become a pain. After all, what are you supposed to do if you don’t know what you are meant to be doing? Sometimes it can even take a lifetime to discover what your purpose is and it’s frustrating when you look around and everyone else seems to know what their purpose is. You see your friends, your neighbours and your family members waking dutifully everyday to fulfil whatever their purpose might be and you are just there wasting away into insignificance.

How can you not get jealous? You look around and all your peers seem to have ‘made it’ in life. Look at their big house; their amazing spouse; look at the big, expensive car they are driving. Where did you go wrong? How will you get out of your rut? Even the people closest to you don’t believe in you anymore. You could have been this; you could have been that. Just face the facts, you are a failure. The world would be better off without you in it.

Don’t Believe Them. You Have a Purpose in the World

Despite how harsh life may seem, there is always one constant: Everything in life happens for a Reason.

No matter what happens to you, there is a reason; a story that is being created from that moment you have experienced. The reality is that every important lesson you learn is going to be painful, in one way or another. There is no escaping it. Life will lift you up and throw you down and there is no guarantee you will land on a pillow. You are going to get hurt mentally and emotionally.

Wherever you are and no matter what it is you are going through, don’t ever give up. It may take a while for you to get out of the rut you are in but if you stay positive, eventually you will make it out. Your painful journey changes you in so many imperceptible ways. But at the end of it all, you will realize that all your struggles were merely chipping away at the person you are not in order to reveal to you who you really are.

You are stronger than you have ever known or imagined. Problems in your life seem greater than you but they can be overcome.

Ryan Blair, in his book ‘Nothing to Lose’, says that, “All pain in life is derived to make you stronger; a battle test from God. The greater the test, the greater the strength you will derive from it”. No matter where you run to you will not be able to escape pain. It is inevitable. Dr. Viktor Frankl says in his book ‘A Man’s Search for Meaning’, that we can never truly lose everything because we are still left with the power to choose how we will respond to the problems in our lives. We have the power to decide our attitude toward our problems.

In life, you are not meant to have the same experiences as your family members, neighbours or friends. Everyone will get what is meant for them and so will you. Comparing yourself to other people will only make you bitter and jealous. You will pierce your soul with envy. The better thing to do, instead, is to choose what you will focus on. Look closely at your life and you will find you have a lot of things to be grateful for. You might not have the big car or the house but you have your body. You might not have the latest smartphone but you have your mind intact. These are just examples of things you can be grateful for. You will be happier when you do so.

What do you do now?

As Anthony Robbins says, “It’s not what’s happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it’s your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you’re going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny”.

Everyone who has achieved anything significant has gone through failure. Failure is not a bad thing. It just shows you what you need to correct in order to succeed. If the people around you mock you or make you feel unworthy of love then you need to leave them behind. All the people who truly care about you will want the best for you and will encourage you. Those are the people you need to surround yourself with.

Just remember that the “Night is darkest just before dawn”. You will go through tough times. Believe me, you can bear the pain and come out a better and stronger person. So no matter what happens, never give up!

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When You Feel All Alone

You have no one to talk to. Even when you are in a room full of people, you can’t seem to fit in. You are isolated. You are invisible. There is no one you can trust anymore; everyone you know is unreliable. You have so much you want to share; so much you want to say. But, you know deep down that no one will understand.

Everything that was once good in your life is now bad. Your relationships are broken. All the people you depended on have turned their back on you. No one wants to support your goals. They all think you are a fool. They sneer at you; waiting for you to fail so that they can gloat that they had warned you but you didn’t listen. You keep trying to prove yourself but, no matter what you do, it’s always one step forward and two steps back. You have failed at everything but there is no one to pick you up except yourself. But how can you raise your spirits when you no longer believe in yourself?

Alone

It’s a hard truth to take; but let’s face it: You are all alone!

The Pain of Feeling All Alone

There is a saying (I’m paraphrasing) that says, “We can’t live alone because we are all connected by invisible threads”. Akin to the overused “No man is an island” quote, this saying goes to show that we are not meant to exist in solitude. Humans are social creatures. We crave interaction with others. That’s how some people get lonely. You find yourself in a room full of people who you don’t have a connection with and, therefore, you feel isolated. You might even feel sorry for yourself and start thinking that there is something wrong with you.

Being lonely, though, is different from feeling alone. That feeling of being alone goes a little bit deeper into the core of our being. When your emotional standing and your mind are overwhelmed by sadness and hopelessness, then depression is at your door.

Loneliness can be cured by establishing a worthwhile connection with someone. Feeling alone incorporates loneliness, sadness, hopelessness, anger directed at yourself and at the world, and the pain of failure. What is it about you that makes you so unlovable? Why won’t people listen to you? Why doesn’t anyone understand you? Does anyone even care about you?

Enemy at the Gate

There is a reason why people go mad when they are cut off from the world. Anyone who has been shipwrecked or survived a plane crash in some jungle somewhere has started experiencing hallucinations as they desperately call out for a much-needed companion. Even children are known to exhibit this desire for connection by having ‘imaginary friends’. Having ‘a friend’ they can trust serves as a coping mechanism to what life brings their way.

For adults, it is important to have someone you can share ideas with; someone who you can turn to when you are stressed or going through trying situations in your life; or someone to just share a laugh with. It is a social phenomenon that psychologists continue studying. Even in the Christian Bible, there is the instance whereby Adam in the Creation Story found himself feeling lonely and God provided a companion for him. We all need someone.

That is not to say we are not self-sufficient. That’s also not to say that we can’t deliberately isolate ourselves for the purpose of meditation or rebooting our systems. Feeling all alone is a desperate situation for anyone to go through.

What to do When You Feel All Alone

Unfortunately, there isn’t a ‘one-size fits all’ solution. Humans are complex creatures having different experiences in the world. Nevertheless, you bear the great responsibility of getting out of the rut. You need to analyze your choices, your circumstances and your thoughts to determine where you have gone wrong. You need to see everything with new eyes.

  1. Fight Depression

If you are lucky to spot the symptoms of sinking into depression, it is important to get yourself out of it before it takes hold over your life. Depression is a different beast to deal with and it has feeling alone as one of its symptoms. You can read some articles about depression here and here.

  1. Do away with toxic relationships

If you don’t feel you can trust the people in your life, go ahead and make new friends and connections. We make the mistake of holding on to people and relationships that do more harm than good. Why would you want to keep around someone who makes you feel insignificant? Why would you let someone break you down everyday telling you how worthless you are?

  1. Seek out positive people

Realize how valuable you are and seek out people who see your value and encourage you to be better. If someone really loves and cares about you, they will do everything to be in your life and to contribute positively to it.

  1. Communicate your feelings and move on

This is difficult to do. One of the reasons you feel alone is because you think no one ever listens to you. Give people a chance and find a way to get them to sit down and hear you out without commenting. Share your feelings to them and how their actions have affected you. The people who care about you will acknowledge their mistakes. Some might even be shocked that this is how you’ve been feeling and they didn’t know they were hurting you. Take note of those who dismiss what you have shared with them and cull them from your life. You don’t need them.

  1. Have a plan and purpose for your life

Many of the mental, emotional and physical problems we encounter in our lives can all be tied back to our life plans and life purpose. You are where you are because of the choices you have made and the circumstances that surround your life. Once you take responsibility for where you are in life, you can plan out what you need to do to improve your life. Having a purpose will guide that plan and it will serve as a plane of reference every time you start feeling lost.

In life, there will always be moments when circumstances batter you and you find yourself fighting fire on your own. Years of experience teach us that only true friends will stick around when your world is in turmoil. These are the people you need to find and have in your life.

I have always said this and I ask you yet again to be there for others. Everyone is going through a battle in life and it takes just a moment of your time to change their lives. Today, decide to be there for someone. You might think you have nothing to offer because you are also going through some things in your life. But what you give in life always comes back to you tenfold. Share the love and be there for someone and tomorrow you will not need to look far for a friend.

2015: The Keys to a Healthier You

The new year brings a sense of pride in having survived 2014 and a sense of optimism for what the future holds in store in 2015.

There are those who are excited about what they are setting out to accomplish, whereas others are merely trudging along, dealing with situations in their lives as they arise. For those with mental health issues or know someone with a mental health problem, life is looked upon with different eyes. There are challenges that seem more daunting than they really are while others are simply overwhelming.

Looking to the future

This year, 2015, provides a great opportunity to utilize all the information we have gathered in the previous year to set ourselves on the path of being healthy. Here are a few things you can do:

  1. Go for a medical check-up

With sky-rocketing costs of medicine and healthcare insurance premiums, it is easy to avoid visiting the hospital when you are ‘feeling fine’. There are many diseases which don’t exhibit any symptoms until your immune system is fully compromised and overwhelmed. Going to the hospital for a check-up has helped a lot of people to spot life-threatening diseases before they took hold over the body. So, no matter what the prices look like, remember that you are saving yourself more money by knowing the status of your health.

As recently mentioned, you can ask your doctor to test for the MTFHR gene mutation which will give you a heads up on whether your family will be beset with mental health issues. While some mental health issues can be linked with one’s lifestyle, the key cause of mental health issues lies within this gene mutation. You can spare your family a lot of heartache by getting tested and knowing your status, so that you can live responsibly and also so that you can be better taken care of. It is always better to know the monster you are facing.

  1. Learn to Manage Stress

Stress is an essential component of our lives. It makes us more aware of our decisions and choices, and it also helps us identify problems and solve them. In our society today, stress can become unmanageable to the extent that one’s quality of life deteriorates. Stress affects relationships, hinders personal development and even weakens the body’s immune system thus making people prone to diseases such as heart disease and high blood pressure.

You need to find ways of managing stress. The first thing you should do is identify the stressors and take charge. If you are always reacting to the stress that means you are not in control of your life. Be more assertive and don’t take on more than you can handle. But most importantly, you should approach any problem with a positive attitude and perspective.

  1. Keep depression at bay

Depression is a silent killer. Many people never know they are depressed until their lives break down completely. Other people never know that someone – including a loved one – is suffering from depression until that person shares their problem or attempts to commit suicide. Everyone is going through some sort of struggle and it is easy to suffer in silence because no one seems to care about you.

Stay healthy and free from depression by managing your stress better. Ensure that you maintain your social life and interact with other people. Go outside and get some sunshine and some fresh air. Find a purpose in life that excites you and pursue it. These are just some ideas to tackle depression before it ruins your life.

For more information on how to keep depression at bay, you can read my article here.

  1. Help others. It will help you.

We spend our whole lives focussing on ourselves: our problems, our relationships, our happiness etc. There’s just too much going on in our lives to focus on other people. Life however shows that by helping others, we help ourselves. Once you shift your focus from your life and struggles and focus on someone else, you begin to see life in different eyes. You get a new perspective on what is important in life.

One issue that I highlighted last year was that, people don’t ask others how they are doing. Sometimes people struggle in silence and it takes someone who cares to understand them and uplift their spirits by sharing in their pain. Aim to be that person this year. It will work wonders on your health as you will have different approach to life. Empathising with others also gifts you a mental fortitude to help you in your life’s journey.

  1. Keep your mind active

Parkinson’s disease. Alzheimer’s disease. These are all mental health diseases that have brought fear and pain to our society. Some mental health illnesses can be kept at bay by constantly keeping your brain active. This year, choose to become a reader. Read a lot and gather a lot of information. Analyse things in your mind and challenge your brain to solve complex issues and recall information.

There is a fear amongst people that as you get older, your memory wanes. Well, if you don’t exercise your brain, this issue will become your reality sooner rather than later. Exercise your mind. It will protect you from diseases such as Alzheimer’s.

Staying healthy this year and beyond, is important not only for you but for the people who love you. Keep yourself healthy and have a positive outlook on life. Things are not always as bad as they seem.

Happy New Year. Have a Blessed 2015!

Keep Depression at Bay: 8 Ways to Cheer Yourself Up

Sad moments can creep up on you when you least expect it. You were feeling ecstatic a moment ago but now you are not in the mood to celebrate. We all experience this feeling.

Sometimes we just get overwhelmed when the pressures of life weigh us down. You wake up and you don’t feel like doing anything. Making breakfast is a chore and you are looking forward to the moment you will sit down and just be. You can’t seem to shake the feeling so you allow yourself to wallow in sadness. All attempts from people to raise your spirits are met with anger and irritation. “Why won’t everyone just mind their own business”, you say.

There are many articles online saying that you should not try to get out of your slump; rather, embrace the slump as a reality and it will go away. While this course of action might sound deep, there is also a risk that your mini mood slump can quickly evolve into depression. Now you have a big problem!

Perhaps a few of these methods below can assist you to get back the joy in your life:

Happy woman with headphones

  1. Listen to Music… and Sing

There is probably a song for everything. Think up any topic and a musician has probably sung about it. When you are sad, you’ll naturally gravitate toward sad songs. It seems that this guy or that girl gets you. That musician understands exactly how you are feeling. Perhaps it would be best to listen to uplifting music. Singing will make your mind active and responsive to mood changes. If you really let the music sink in, you might even start dancing. It’s a form of exercise and we’ve already seen how exercise can be great for your body.

  1. Get perspective

As Dan Gilbert says in his ‘Surprising Science of Happiness’ Ted Talks speech, human beings tend to overestimate the pain or pleasure they will experience. Thus, it is important to get some perspective as to why you are feeling sad. Try to get an objective view of the situation you are in rather than a subjective one. By doing this, you remove the emotions that cloud your judgement as to what really happened to you to make you feel sad.

For example, sometimes people can hurt us unintentionally. Letting that pain fester in your mind can keep you from focussing on the fact that the person who hurt you loves you deeply and they would never do anything intentionally to bring pain to your life.

You have to find out exactly what it is that is making you feel down. Normally, when people are sad, they tend to make blanket statements that their whole life sucks. In truth, before getting into a negative mindset, these people were thinking their lives were amazing. What changed? Focus on what’s wrong and fix it.

  1. Exercise

Working out brings more benefits to your life beyond the physical. As you know, exercising makes the body release endorphins, which are neurotransmitters from the brain that make you feel good. If you want to feel good, exercise.

  1. Share your problem with someone you trust

A problem shared is a problem half-solved. Confidants can help you make sense of issues and find solutions for them. You have to surround yourself with people who will give you sound counsel. This will get you on your way to resolving your problems and being happy again.

Trusted friends can also give you the support you need if you require a shoulder to cry on. Another interesting thing is that if you manage to get a couple of hugs, your mood instantly changes. Try it.

  1. Find a source of laughter

You’ve heard this before, but laughter is the best medicine. To get out of your bad mood, you need to find someone who can make you laugh or watch a comedy show. Laughing makes you feel alive and grateful for your life. It will make you feel happy

  1. Remember that you are what you eat

There are a couple of foods and snacks that should be included in your diet, which act as mood boosters. Top on the list is fish, which gives omega-3 fatty acids. Omega-3 raises the levels of a brain chemical called serotonin, which boosts our mood. Another booster is chocolate. Chocolate not only tastes good, but also acts as an anti-oxidant and as a serotonin stimulator. You need to eat the chocolate in moderation though, as eating a lot of it will leave you feeling queasy and ruin your mood even further.

  1. Volunteer to help other people

It is said that, “If you think you have problems, just visit the hospital and see for yourself what other people are going through”. This is just a way of bringing perspective to your problems. Volunteering has a two-fold effect of not only helping other people, but also giving you a sense of gratitude and joy. There are so many people going through a lot of issues that sometimes you just need to ask them whether they are okay. We all need each other. We can lift each other’s spirit by simply being kind, caring and generous.

  1. Get some fresh air by going for a walk

Going outside can do wonders for you. It has been theorized that staying indoors causes anxiety and depression because the body is not getting enough Vitamin D from the sun nor taking in fresh air into the lungs. Walking is a form of exercise as well and it allows you to clear your mind as you analyze everything that is making you feel sad. Being outside is soothing and it rejuvenates your spirit as you take in deep breaths.

sunny day

Take Action

All these methods have one thing in common; they all involve taking action. People focus too much on their feelings and talk about not “feeling like doing anything”. In truth, feelings follow actions and not the other way around. Notice how when you don’t feel like doing something but you do it anyway, you stop ‘feeling’ like it was a bad thing. It’s all about taking action.

Wherever you are right now, you can choose to be happy. Life will throw all kinds of problems your way. In times like these, you will need to summon your willpower and take action to be happy again. Realize that happiness is a state of being and embody happiness.

You can choose to be happy right now. Don’t wait for the sadness to overwhelm you.

What is the Point of Living?

There are many reasons why people start considering suicide. It all starts when a series of questions play out in the mind:

Why are you here? Why are you alive? Why are you the only one who survived that accident? What about all the people we have lost? Are you more special than others? What is the point of living?

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These are the questions that engulf someone who has lost a piece of them inside. There are times when the pressures of life can weigh you down. There is a feeling of uselessness; an indifference to any activity; feelings of hopelessness; and an overarching feeling that perhaps life isn’t what it is drummed up to be.

The people who have lost a loved one or a cherished friend know these thoughts and feelings all too well. Of all the billions of people in the world, why did the one I love have to be the one to die? It’s truly a sad place to be. The questions abound in the mind thus leading one to make peace with the turmoil in their world and choose to continue living; whatever living is anyway.

So what’s the point of living?

Why bother waking up every day? Are humans just machines programmed to complete some tasks and interact with others in a certain way before returning to ‘re-charge’ in the beds again? There has to be more to life. There just has to be.

The happiest people in the world aren’t the ones without any problems. They have got to a point where they can cope with issues better and they choose to react positively to any setbacks. Perhaps this is the important thing to note. This ability to choose how to react to situations could be what separates humans from machines. Or maybe that’s a hasty conclusion.

Humans are programmed to respond to situations in a certain way. Programmed? Like machines? The brain is the ultimate machine. The thoughts that go through it reformat this machine to fit the reality of the host. Thus the brain of the happy person is wired differently from the brain of the depressed person. Nevertheless, it takes only one moment of chaos in a person’s life to make them question their purpose for living.

There has to be someone who has figured this out. Is the sum total of life being born, then going to school, getting married, ultimately having kids, then the soul departing from the body? Do people have to bear the madness seen on television where people go around shooting each other, politicians making promises they know they won’t keep, musicians making soulless music or hearing about how banks have crumbled and all the money in there is lost? Was Friedrich Nietzsche right when he said that to live is to suffer? Is that all there is? What is the point of living?

Some Perspective

There is an intriguing statement that parents always make no matter where they are in the world. “I’m living for my kids”, they say. With this statement they wake up at odd hours, work double or even triple shifts, queue in line for hours, and do just about anything in their power to make sure their kids have everything they need. Seeing their kids happy makes them happy. Can making others happy be the reason for living or is that a way to escape focussing on one’s life?

Everyone has their reason for not wanting to die. Maybe it has to do with fear. But mostly, people talk about their life flashing before their eyes and how they thought about the people they love. It’s the reason some people hold on to their lives even when they are suffering. They just don’t want to let down the people who love them. They want to be there with them and share their lives with them.

Or maybe it’s just one’s pride that keeps them from taking their lives. Perhaps the soul feels that there is still much that can be accomplished.

Maybe there is a God who is planning people’s lives and filling them with the desire to live and make some impact on the world.

Whatever it is, there is a reason why humans are here. Ultimately, one has to decide for themselves what their reason for living is.

When the Pressures of Life Weigh You Down

Life is brutal. There is of course the “You get what you expect in life” aphorism or the one about how “You can see your life through different lenses; either a positive outlook or a negative one, and in each case you will be right”. None of that changes the fact that life is brutal. It is impersonal. It does not care about your status in society. Neither does it matter whether you are the kindest soul or the vilest person on the planet. It will dish out its brutality in unequal measure. At least that’s how it seems.Pressures of life

You have bills to pay. The kids haven’t had a decent meal in a while. Your landlord wants to evict you. You’ve just been laid off. Your department is no longer needed and therefore they won’t require your services anymore. You’ve just found out your spouse has been cheating on you with your best friend. The doctor has just announced that your only child has a terminal illness. A reckless driver just totalled your car and now you are paralysed from the waist down. That vacation of a lifetime took you to an area where you contracted a flesh-eating bug. That pimple on your face is actually a cancerous tumour. It’s brutality everywhere. That is life.

It all sounds bleak. Perhaps it is true when they say you should focus on the positive things that life has to offer. As one song says, “Count your blessings name them one by one”. Apparently, when you count your blessings, your outlook changes and you realize that things are not as bad as they appear. Is that supposed to be comforting? How will you solve your current problems? Who will help you when everyone around you is going through their own personal hell? Why do bad things happen to good people?

That is the nature of life. Sometimes the pressures of life can weigh you down and there doesn’t seem to be any respite in the near future. Your friends have turned their back on you and your family doesn’t seem to love you anymore. You are all alone. You are broke and all your creditors want a piece from you. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. People say you are useless; foolish even. The world would be better off without you.

Surely, what’s the point of living? Might as well escape the brutality, right?

New Eyes

If you’ve read the book Man’s Search for Meaning by Dr. Viktor Frankl (if not, I would definitely recommend it), you realize that life will do with you as it pleases. It will tear you down to your bare bones till all you can see is the real you. You will question your purpose on this earth when all the pressures of life weigh you down. You are here for a reason but what is it? Were you just put here to suffer?

Most of the kindest people on earth are those who have suffered deeply in their hearts and minds. The only thing that separates those who make it through this life is willpower. Yes, you are suffering. But you are not the only one. You are not alone. There are many other people going through the same struggle. There are millions more whose struggles you would not wish to bear. We are bound to one another through our lives; through our shared pain. We are all in this together.

That’s why you are always urged to smile at people and be kind whenever possible “because you do not know what struggles they may be going through”. It is just a small way of saying, “Despite the pain you are feeling, I appreciate that we are in this together”. It’s a shared kinship.

Life is not that bleak. It is true you need to teach yourself to look at life with new eyes. There is so much beauty around us that goes unnoticed. When is the last time you took a second to stare at the moon? When is the last time you closed your umbrella and just raised your head to the sky and embraced the rain? When’s the last time you tried to share a joke with the quiet person in the room? When is the last time you just smiled at a random stranger as you passed and they smiled back at you?

Like in other things in life, it is the little things that matter. How did you make a million? I just decided to change my product from green to blue. How did you win that football match? I just tweaked the tactics a little and we took control of the game. What do you love about her? There’s this little noise she makes when she laughs. What do you like about him? There’s this little look he gets when he sees me.

It’s the little things that matter!

Look around you and find whatever it is that makes you happy; even for a moment. The pain will always be there but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be interspersed with moments of sheer joy. Perhaps it’s even a good idea to start living your bucket list right now. There are so many people who are trying to complete their bucket lists quickly because they’ve been told they have a terminal disease.

Maybe taking the attitude that we don’t have long to live can spur us to great heights. We can love deeply; live without fear; speak kind words to one another; share our meals with those who don’t have the means; give a stranger our parking space; be patient with one another; appreciate our earthly possessions more; go to all our kids’ ballgames; sing passionately; and even sleep peacefully. Life would be an expression of love.

Life brings suffering but Love is effusive. Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some form of meaning in the suffering”. We can choose to see the world with new eyes. We can accept the reality of the world and still do the things that will bring joy to our lives. We can love our lives in spite of the inherent flaws. Only then can we connect with others in the eternal bond that binds us together: Life.

Seasons of Happiness, Seasons of Suffering

freerangestock.com

freerangestock.com

We all want to be happy. There’s no doubt about it. Just eavesdrop on any conversation (it’s not nice but I just want to prove my point 🙂 ) and you’ll hear people talking about that car that so and so bought; that trophy wife that your new neighbour has; or that recent promotion that came with numerous bonuses and benefits.

And there’s that clamour for people to want to match what their friends or rivals have achieved (in truth, it’s more about exceeding their successes). He bought a new Mercedes; I’ll buy a new BMW. She gets her hair done every week; I’ll be going to the salon every 3 days. People just want to keep up with the Joneses. 

People want to be successful because they equate success with happiness. You can even argue that people who steal are not really greedy and selfish, just that they want to be happy. Stealing is VERY WRONG but people will take extraordinary steps to ensure their happiness. No evil is evil enough and no deed is unethical or immoral if it will help them reach their goal. You read stories that corruption is rampant in Europe. When you dig deeper you discover that people who engage in corruption have one goal in mind: To be happy. They may be trying to live a life that is beyond their means but they believe having money will make them happy. You see it happening all the time even amongst your friends or loved ones. Someone will do something that will make you wonder whether they are the same person you knew. Where is the integrity, sense of responsibility, fidelity to the law, accountability to the community? We all want to be happy and how people achieve their happiness will differ widely.

But then, life doesn’t work the way we want it to. Things fall apart unexpectedly. One day you feel like a king/queen, and the next, you are nothing but a pauper. One day you feel like you are full of life, even your friends tell you that you have a youthful look about you, and the next thing, your doctor is saying you are actually very ill and have a few weeks to live. You’ve heard the statement, “The rich also cry”. Apparently no one can escape the vicissitude of life.

The truth is we will all go through seasons of happiness and seasons of suffering at some points in our lives. A lady from season 5 episode 8 of the series Royal Pains, put it aptly as she spoke to one of the main characters, Divya Katdare (played by Reshma Shetty). She said: “Life…ebbs and flows, like the perennials in my garden. Sometimes they’re in bloom, sometimes they’re not. But they’re always alive. Things change…unexpected things happen.”

source: usa network series image

source: usa network series image

But the real message that has been popping up recently is this: happiness is not something to pursue, it is a state of being. You can actually CHOOSE to be happy. It doesn’t have to be that something is making you happy. You find that place inside of you where you are grateful for your existence. You discover that you can change your mood instantly by just changing your attitude and thoughts.

Unfortunately, this ‘choice’ does not apply to all people. There are those with mental health issues that are silently suffering in our midst. While depressed people can find a way out of their state of perpetual suffering to a point of happiness, the same cannot be said of those who are mentally ill. That is a problem they will face personally and with people who love them. There will be moments of happiness, and there will be greater struggles that will cause a lot of suffering. It is the nature of our world.

I do believe we can give of ourselves to others. There is a Tibetan proverb I once encountered that said, “As I helped him up the mountain, lo, I found myself at the top”. I think we can all enhance our chances of being happy by helping the collective get to a point where they are happy to be alive.

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I heard another man say, “Our greatest wealth is our health”. I know many people will agree with this. If we could all be healthy, I think it would be a great step toward being happy. Mental health issues affect not only those suffering from it, but their families and friends. You feel helpless. What can you do to alleviate their pain? Why does life make us suffer?

There will be seasons of happiness and seasons of suffering. The human spirit is resilient. Every time I recite the words of Invictus, I know I have faced and will face any challenge head on. Not everyone is like this. Even as we marked World Suicide Day, there were many people we had lost. People we cared about took their own lives. Random people across the globe committed suicide. Everybody is suffering; some just know how to reach their point of happiness, while others are beset by mental health weaknesses that overwhelm them.

There is a quote from Wendy Maas that says, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about”. Try to make other people happy. Happiness is contagious. You always seek out those people who make you laugh. Those people who are the life of the party always draw crowds to themselves. It’s all about being happy. But it is more important that your happiness comes from within you. If you view the world from a point of happiness, from a point of gratitude, you will gain strength even in times of suffering.

Be strong. It is part of everyone’s journey.

Be available. It is part of your calling to help others.

I don’t know where you are or what you are going through. But I want you to be happy. I hope that your seasons of happiness stay in bloom longer than your seasons of suffering.